Sneh messaged, she was pissed after watching the news, about "this guy who murdered his daughter. It'll be the hot topic of discussion tomorrow anyway, so I'll tell you then..."
Not satisfied, I went to hunt TOI archives for what turnes out to be a week-long series of articles about the murder of Arushi Talwar.
One really starts to wonder where the country, in fact the world is going.
Girl found murdered, Domestic help suspected for many reasons. But prime suspect not to be found. At least three days later, a retired officer steps into the case and finds corpse of prime suspect on terrace.
How'd he get there? Prominent bloodstains on the stairs, near the cooler, everywhere. One wonders how the police managed to overlook this, and now I'm wondering the same thing that the TOI is, why wasn't a dog squad brought in??
Oh dear, police transfered here, there, everywhere, out of Noida. Is this a police force or a bunch of......My god, What's happening to us??
I'm in shock, I'm horrorstruck.

Quote TOI, May 19th.

"Many questions remain unanswered in the Arushi murder case: Who put Arushi’s mattress on the terrace, even as the police could not find the key to it? Who had the keys to the terrace door, which had to be forced open by the police? Where is Arushi’s mobile phone, which is reportedly in use even after her death? If she did die a day before her body was discovered, who called her friend from her mobile? Why was the flat, in which the murders took place, not sealed and the forensic team not called in immediately? Arushi’s post-mortem report mentions a ‘‘whitish discharge’’ on her body. But the forensic team has not preserved a sample of it. With every senior Noida police officer having visited Arushi’s home after her body was found, why was only station officer A Nanoria found negligent and shifted to the police lines? "

Why, indeed.

Then we find that she had been killed a whole 18 hours or so before her body was discovered. Someone had carefully slit her jugular vien and her carotid artery. Someone had clearly thought this out.....

And finally...in a stroke of God knows what.....they finally arrest the father. And this is what shocks me, hurts me the most......makes me lose all hope in mankind.....How can a father kill his own child thus?
And why? Because she found out he was having an affair....because she told him she didn't like it......he just.......eliminates her?
What's happening, what's happening to this world.....with no emotion, no love, no....

Oh god.....It's horrible. Just horrible.
And what's even more horrible is the incompetence of the police....apparently they shot their mouths off, saying this could be solved in just a few hours, and then failed to see their most important clue.....

How, how is this happening??
Sneh's right, this world is bastardizing itself.
Aarushi Talwar, may your soul rest in peace....................I pray for you....

Reality Check: This is what the world is.

God, something's really hit me in the heart.Gulf News tabloid has this weekly thing where they publish posts from blogs written by Middle East nationals. Not for them those self-ranting blogs that we write, we who live in metropolitan cities and crib about exams and traffic woes and heartbreaks. No, some of these hit you and bring you back to reality like nothing else. Mostly they're about Dubai, rants, as I'd call them, but what I read yesterday really shook me.

Diary of a Palestinian Mother

The Gaza Genocide
We celebrated Yousuf's fourth birthday today. We ate cake. And we counted the bodies. We sang happy birthday. And my mother sobbed. We watched the fighter jets roar voraciously on our television screen, pounding street after street; then heard a train screech outside, and shuddered. Yousuf tore open his presents, and asked my mother to make a paper zanana, a drone, for him with origami; And we were torn open from the inside, engulfed by a feeling of impotence and helplessness; fear and anger and grief; despondence and confusion.

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And there's a photo there, of relatives of a Hamas Fighter, mourning at his funeral. And as happens to me a lot, the words I write fail to do justice to what I'm feeling.
These are the brave ones. These are the ones who have every right to complain about their misfortune. These live unpredictable lives, hanging by a thread, they are the ones who truly do not know if there will be a tomorrow. Their lives, their homes and their happiness can be wiped out in a matter of minutes, so effortlessly, by bombs dropped by people who probably don't care, people who're just following orders.
These are the ones who have every right and opportunity to break.
And yet they don't.

These have seen and experienced more hardship than we ever will. They are the strong ones, the ones we need to admire and the ones we need to learn from. People like us, we'll never truly understand what it is to be them, the ones who live in the midst of war.

From them we must learn
To be thankful for every new day that we're alive, thankful that we are sane, full and healthy.They can't take this for granted, for they never know when it will all be whisked away.To see the little joys in our lives for these matter more than the large sorrows.Butterflies, the laugh of a baby, purring cats, pictures in the cloudsWe must learn to shift our focus to the good in our lives.We know we're lucky. Somewhere at the back of our mind, we know. But things like this make it really hit you.

I'm sorry I'll never be able to understand what it's like to live among pain and still find happiness, to live, being grateful for each and every minute of your live, to smile for your child when your heart's breaking, to tell him you'll be safe when you yourself aren't sure.....
I bow my head to you.
I have much to learn from you, Mother From Gaza.

Live your last Day.

Yeah, my phone's gone.
For what?
for receiving a message which can be classified as 'tres tres personal question' or 'unnecessary shit' or 'how can you get messages like this??'
yeah, from a guy.
Dear Lord almighty. They read everything.
Breach of trust, know your limits, that kinda thing.
Not good.
Not happy. At all.
The heck, he's my best friend, I gotta be that open with one person, just one....
Not right, shouldn't be thinking like this, they say....
Huge argument.
Something happened again today morning, went a bit overboard again.....A bit over the lines again....It wasn't about the phone anymore, it was everything else, it was the way I am...
Why can't I just be happy huh? I have everything. Why not happiness?
I told mom today in the car, after I'm 20 I'm gonna live each day like it's my last....
Why after 20, she said?
Ok, but how can I do it now? there's something in me.....just not happy.
How would you do it if you were in Mumbai, in Dharavi? No phone, nothing.....
I dunno.....I'd find a broken water pipe and dance in it I suppose....
Then why can't you be happy now? It's just a state of mind you know....it just takes something small...
Phine, then. I'm gonna change. No more psychogiri...Live happy, turn the little sad switch off.
Find something to be happy about, every day.
Live like you're gonna die in an hour.
Sodden mess, I tell ya.
Question: How do you release your anger?

What is fucking wrong with Mumbai??

I don't generally read the news, because I claim it depresses me. I was actually gonna start again, but I don't think I'll bother.

Ok, First I link you to Rushi who's angrier about it than I am, and with good reason, he lives in Mumbai, he knows about the whole new year molestation thing......

Also linking you to Annie Zaidi's post dated 2 jan.

These Mumbai Molestations......I heard about it from a friend, she told me about these two ladies who'd been molested by some 80 men on their way back from a new year party.....and it still didn't hit me then. It's hit me now, when I heard the anger in Rushi's voice.

A lot of people (including me) live in a dream, in a beautiful bubble which says Mumbai's really safe, Mumbai's friendly......sometimes you have to live in your bubble if you don't want to be looking over your shoulder all the time.....

Well, pop your bubble, ladies and gents....that up there, that's the ugly side of Amchi Mumbai. That is the exact reason why we're living in the bubble.

I've never been molested (thank-god-touchwood-may-it-never-ever-happen) but I have been touched (pinched, actually, on my butt) and I remember the look the guy gave me, as he walked off.....he was smiling, the hard cold smile you give when you know the other person is helpless.....

and damn was I helpless.....I still regret not hitting the guy then and there. It wasn't even in mumbai dammit, it was in Bhopal I think, at a stadium. And the guy was a student. A student! Hardly 18!

And it wasn't just him, it was a lot of these shifty guys, just looking, and something in their looks made us slowly shift our position and go warm up somehwere else. And this when we were covered from head to toe.

But here it is, this is the ugly side of Mumbai, and all men, believe me. According to Hindustan Times (I read it in Rushi's post) aome 60% of Indian men feel that if women wear provocative clothes they're practically asking for molestation.

Bings back memories of some child rape case I'd read about last year, This 10 year old girl in England was raped, I can't remember the sentence given to the rapist (it was peanuts) but I kinda remember what the judge said.....he said, the girl didn't look 10, she was wearing clothes too old for her age, she looked about 14......

Right.you call that an excuse? YOU CALL THAT A FUCKING EXCUSE??you're supposed to be THE LAW dammit, and if the lae's this bad, how bad are the people???

So, what, must we women always be looking behind us as we walk? Must we be always in fear of the men, those people who think they own us?

Me, I get the good end, it ain't that bad here, even though there are always taxis crowded below my building and I always get the "Ello 'ow are you"s and the looks from the Omani football guys when I do my beach run (But just maybe it is a point that a 16 year old running in shorts in a Muslim prevalent country is a slight oddity. But there isn't any law preventing shorts on the beach.)

Oh isn't this great! I'm on about six sites now, very pissed, looking for hindustan times Mumbai edition. I chance upon Delhi edition for today, what do i see on the front page?

"Woman Molested In Gurgaon Mall"

Brilliant. It's everywhere, It's frikkin everywhere.

What is it, this THING that makes men go crazy, that makes them stare at women, even the ones who're not pretty, even the ones with no figure (me.).....and not just stare. Follow. Catcall. Like my mom told me about. After the guys following her in Mumbai, even now, more than a decade later, she's still paranoid on the street if there's someone behind her.

Not just stare. More. touch. grope in crowds.

Why do you, you men, why do you feel that women are your.........things? Things, I tell you. All this women injustice thing is rushing into my head now.......

Of course, it's not all men, some of you are nice guys, some of you actually love women for what they are, some of you see women as equals.....not all of you though.

Not the student boys who say :

"Girls should not party or drink. The ones who do cannot be decent. Girls cannot be boys. They have to stay at home. After all, they have to get married."

I have no words to this. Just shock.

Not the other Mumbai student who says:

"Girls who wear tight revealing clothes, hang out with boys and like to party are inviting trouble.Our society allows boys freedom"

More shock.

Not the ones that put anonymous comments on blanknoise.com saying:

"Looking a crime!!! Well well well thats why India's a sexually repressed country. It my eyes...I deceide where to look. The blogger needs to see a psychologist."

No, looking's not a crime, but you see you don't know how much damamge that one lecherous look can do to us.

Not another MCP commenter on BlankNoise who says:

"Hi Folks, i am feeling sad on hearing this kind of time wasting time activity. I am very concerned about the dress sense of the gals.. there is lot of skin showing.. thats provokes guys to stare at them.. First gals u change ur so called attitude then think of other things ok. I hope u people have some maturity to think over it... Thx Goudse"

Not the judge who thinks it's okay to rape a 10 year old if she looks 14.

I'm ashamed to be a part of the same race that thinks this. really.

And we thought humans were advanced. Really, now?

What you don't see is the guilt that comes after you do all this. The mind doesn't let go of such things very easily. THe mind feels filthy.It wants to purge itself. The mind keeps replaying it, on and on, doesn't let you forget.....why was it you, dammit, why?

I can go on forever, honestly, I can.

But I'll stop. There's a lot to say.But............who's listening?

The Dark side of me.....

The darkest i've ever been through.
on my guard all the time. can't let the tears fall even though i want to, so much. can't let my hands tremble as i type. can't tell anyone except you.
you're my crutch, my support and i don't like it, one of these days i'll have to cast you away, cut away all the supports and stand on my own at last. but not now. later. tomorrow.
but today i have to put a smile on my face even though i'm shredded inside. can't let the tears flow, can't let myself go. have to step back over the line.
but there will be a day, i'll meet you and then i'll let go and the tears will flow. you don't know how much i need it, you don't see how much you help me, you don't know what you mean to me.......
i have to push you away.....
never been like this before, don't wanna be like this again.
disturbed. the whole house is disturbed. she says she'll take time to get over it, it's not that easy. he says don't let it get to you.
i'm so sorry, so sorry, i'm not just leaning on you right now, i'm falling on you, falling like never before, i'm crazy, psychotic, i wanna go away from it, i wanna be happy. why did i do it? why am i putting all this here fr all to see instead of in the book i bought for this purpose?
i dunno, maybe i want you to see, maybe this is the hand i'm reaching out with.
i don't know what's going on anymore......
the thoughts, the words, they're all just flowing......
i did the best, the longest and the fastest beach run today and i felt better, i felt it all flowing out me.....
felt the coffee flow into me.....i think it's doing this to me.....
why did i do it?
and now that i did it why can't i get over it?
i still don't get why it's so bad, i think, but i feel stained, i feel like i'm marked, what i've done has left scars which will take a million tears, a million beach runs and a million hugs to clear away.
i have to put on the mask of happiness, of the myst that i always am and have been.
i can't break.
just typing and typing, where are the words coming from, is it even helping???
i need you i think, i don't want to need you.
i'm so sorry. so sorry for all the pain i've caused you. so sorry for everything. i'm crying now, but no the tears can't flow and she cant see them, shouldnt se them nobody should.
i think i'm over the line.
this is bad.
i'm pathetic, i'm in self pity, i'm in the self centred thing, why is it always about me me me and my emotions??? i am not my emotions i nee to get out of this. i have to cut the cords i have to let it go away.
make it go away.
why why why can't i step away and leave the emotions and the scars behind?? yesterday i thought it would be so easy to let go but today it's hard, i don't wanna be like this. i don't wanna break i don't want to be weak.
i am not weak.
never ever call me that.
i want to be strong. the tears are going away. my hands type i don't know why. i shouldn't put this up but i know i will.
i have to stop typing.
i have to go away. the more i type the more i'll feel the self pity.
look at the world love, there's people out there in a worse condition than you and they're happy, you can be too.
it's all in your mind pick out the pieces, throw them away.
put it all together.
happiness is coming back.
i'm going to stop typing.
NOW!!!