In the name of God.

It came up in a conversation with a Wise One in an extremely good Chinese restaurant....

What people do in the name of faith....or, what faith and devotion moves people to do.

Some take the oath of Diksha and renounce the world, at a very young age, or at the zenith of their career. Some drop a diamond studded cell-phone into a donation box.

Faith and an urgency to take darshan has resulted in stampedes at temples. Faith drives people to wake up before dawn so that they can be the first to get Darshan at Lalbaugcha Raja (the most popular Ganpati pandal in Mumbai)

Faith moves people to heal.

Faith moves people to strap bombs to themselves and explode in public.

All in the name of God.

HOLY COW!!

I just finished this book, and it's bloody brilliant.....

Ok, granted, Sarah Macdonald had an unbelievable story to begin with, but not everyone who has a great story can tell it well...but she can. Being a non-Indian, she sees all the little things that we've gotten used to, and she puts it in a way that makes us take notice of them again, and smile with familiarity.

But her writing style, that isn't even what hit me about this book...

'Tis true that India is a secular country, but in this case it doesn't mean we're religionless, it just means that we have possibly every single world religion....In India live Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Sikhs, Parsis, Buddhists, Jews,....and these are just major religions, Indians have faiths, gurus, teachers....I guess India's the best place to find spirituality and inner peace...if you know how to look for it.

For those not familiar, Sarah Macdonald is an Aussie, worked as an RJ in Sydney, moved to India for close to two years to join her partner who was posted in Delhi as a broadcaster for abc network. When she came to India, she was an athiest, but her stay here was spent eploring almost every faith the country has, and reading her story, I realised I want to do that too.....

I proclaim myself to be "spiritual but not religious", but the two are interlinked in a way, you can have spirituality with religion or without.....Anyway, her book made me realise that each religion, each faith, is beautiful in its own way, in its own principles, as long as it doesn't lead to fanaticism, as long as we stick to the pure essence of it and don't get immersed into the hoo-haa and the rituals and regulations...

From the end of the book, an extract:

" I've learnt so much from the land of many gods and many ways to worship. From Buddhism the power to begin to manage my mind, from Jainism the desire to make peace in all aspects of life, while Islam has taught me to desire goodness and to let go of that which cannot be controlled. I thank Judaism for teaching me the power of transcendence in rituals and the Sufis for affirming my ability to find answers within and reconnecting me to the pwer of music. Here's to the Parsis for teaching me that nature should be touched lightly, the Sikhs for the importance of spiritual strength. I thank the gurus for trying to pierce my ego armour and my girlfriends for making me laugh. And most of all, I thank Hinduism for showing me that there are a million paths to the divine."

It's true, all of it is true. I've never truly been athiest, though there was a time when I was confused, But I do know that there is a divinity, and this woman has tried to experience it in all the ways possible, and I want to do that, I want to learn, I want....to live her story, or make my own.....absorb the good in every faith, and I think that's how I 'll find that happiness or that....something...that's been missing, that happiness I've always looked for....

Of course, it will need age, maturity and experience, but I think it'll be worth the wait....at some time in my thirties, I'll remember the book, and I'll have time, and I'll be off.....

In the end, the aim in what, to find inner peace, divinity, and a destination or maybe a journey, so does it matter whether it's done through a religion, or one religion, or from a sweet faith-mix with the best of everything...

I hate people who make us feel bad about our bodies.....and other things.

I'm beautiful. I know that. I've got lovely long lashes, great hair and all.
I also know I'm goddamned skinny.
I've always been thin. Bit Chubby as a kid, skeletal through primary and middle school. Same beautiful lashes, but eyebrows twice their current size (It's great what a roll of thread and dexterous hands can do.....). But I knew I was a healthy kid. Quite strong too, because when I'd hit people, my bones hurt them.
Middle school was the time when most girls started getting hints of curves, some of them had more than just a hint, but my body stayed poker-straight. Most girls started getting a bit feminine, but me, jeans, shorts and loose shirts ruled my wardrobe. Jewellery was bought but never worn.
"You're too thin, Myst," my "so-called" best friend at the time often told me. "It's sick, really. You have got to put on some weight. Not much, just to fill you out a little."

I hated it.I didn't think I looked sick at all. I was healthy. Sure, I'd like to gain a bit of weight, but what could I do? Someone up there had given me the gift of a thin body. The ability to eat anything with an obscene amount of fat and carbs and not have it show on me at all.
My other best friend, she had issues about being a bit on the plumper side.
Now that I call ironic.

Still slim, I passed out of middle school into 9th grade, where popularity was sadly judged mostly by beauty, curves, cup size and number of relationships.I had neither.
Ok, I don't actually know how they judged popularity, but I notice that most of those girls had all this going for them. except one, and she's like my body double, only a bit taller.

What I hate? How the shape of a girl's body dominates relationship chances. If you don't have a great bod, you better be exactly on the same wavelength as them if you want to have a chance with them.
Yeah, I know your figure has a lot to do with it, but this much??So much so that guys would pass up a smart, witty, fun-to-be-with overweight/skinny girl for one who has beauty without brains?

Now I'm 16. I've filled out a bit. not much mind you, but just a little bit. I have a nice flat stomach that people envy, and I like my hips. But I'm not busty. Sometimes that saddens me. I know it shouldn't, but it does.......
As a Wise One said, look at these models, (I have been, and she's right.) most of then are the same size as you. It's ok if you're not busty, you know? It really doesn't matter.

Still. Sometimes mirrors depress me too. Standing in my underwear in the dressing room at Forever21, I assess myself. I make a face. Bend over, clasp hands together. Smile. Straighten up. Bleh.
Walk out, (fully dressed.) Pick up black lace bra, a size larger than what I wear now. Sneak it back into the dressing room and try it on. It fits me like a little black extension of my skin, and it looks gorgeous.Vair comfy.I'm happy. I saunter out with a wistful smile, after examining the price tag and my almost-empty wallet.
I will be back for you.

It's not just me, everyone has body issues, however gorgeous they look. Sneh has a perfect petite figure with beautiful hips I'd die for, and she wants to lose weight.
This other girl I know has a reputation for two things, for being VERY busty, and for having a long long string of guys......But even she has body issues, she wonders why she's so unrealistically well endowed in the bra, wishes she could be smaller so that guys see her for herself.....
Then why am I worried, really? Me, I'm thin. I don't have the best figure, But I'm satisfied with it. So guys who say they like me, they'll like who I am, and not what I look like. It makes such a big difference........
I'd thought this post out quite well, but I've forgotten a lot of it......All I can say is...A girl's personality does not lie in her bra.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm with a friend I haven't seen in six months. We went to the mall, hung around at Starbucks, where I glomped a mocha, bought two books, ogled a few more. Went to Centrepoint ond tried on stuff we'd never wear, I actually got to see the girl in a full length evening gown (well, as much as I could see when she was hiding behind the dressing room door). I paid for lunch, she paid for dessert (we tried out the chocolate fountain at the food court, I had cocolate covered strawberries, she had a chocolate covered croissant.). We were basically being crazy chicks.
It should have been the perfect day.....but it wasn't.
Firstly, I was thinking about the whole body image thing. But that normally doesn't get me down.....

I looked at this crazy girl I've loved for three years, and I couldn't help but feel I was losing her. 'Tis natural, she's gone to a school where she's found great friends, guys who're as smart as her, girls whom she can trust......I stay in my world where I'll always trust guys more because they don't judge you, at least the ones I choose to trust don't.

"you have changed..." She told me in the cab.
"Toldja, didn't I?" I've been through quite a lot since we last met, so I know I've changed. I'm a little more silent. A little less of a child.
"But you'll still be a maniac compare to my friends in Abu Dhabi" she said.
"Are they that sane?"

It should have been the perfect day. But something didn't allow it to be. Maybe it was that conversation I'd had in the morning, that tired me out, mind and body.Maybe it was that we both agreed there was a distance that hadn't been there before, Not a huge distance, but it was there. We both knew this.

But the love's still there. We're both very different, and that pulls us together. Opposites attract, I always told her. That's why we're stuck together.

She's the kind who'll turn away (and play with her phone) during the kissing scenes in movies, doesn't swear, Is feminine and mature, and induces laughter. The kind who put on disapproving expressions when we were reading this.Wears long skirts, mostly. The kind who's focused on the path as well as the destination, The one who hates exercise and loves dogs.

I'm the kind who'll shamelessly watch and wish I was there, swears a lot when I'm mad, Is a total tomboy, used to slide down stair banisters. Doesn't laugh much, but laughs at things only I find funny. Laughed throughout this. Wears shorts/cargo pants with a loose T-shirt. the kind who wants the end, the means will take care of themselves, and the one who NEEDS exercise, is a bit scared of larger dogs and has two cats at home.

There's much more. "I'll put it all up here," I told her, "all those hilarious differences.
They draw us closer. The only thing we share is that her birthday begins the moment mine ends. And that forged a friendship.

Judgement Day

Yeah, that was today, the inevitable after exam judgement day.....

Papers. Marks. Urgh.

You saunter into class all carefree and Mystique, exams are over, you don't give a rat's ass what happens now......
Then why're you nervous before they give the papers??
O-kaaaaaaaaaaaay, faker.......

So. Marks.
Ok-ok, I managed above 80 in everything, except Engineering Drawing and Chem. Chem was absolutely abysmal.
Overall percentage? 79.4, which is apparently great for 11th grade science. I think not.
This is probleme. I care too much about my marks. If I didn't care, it would be so much easier......
Anyway, stick with the caring for a year and then I'm free free free.

I did go to the beach, and it was good, the friend I went with was a great person to talk to, and I got a mocha out of it. Mmmmmmm
" You know, you're drinking that like you're having sex with it", he tells me as I look at him over the mug. I always drink mochas like this, letting my lips sink into the cloud of cream, letting the coffee underneath burn my tongue, licking, savouring the taste.
"Closest I'll get to it for a while", I mutter.

Long talks about his relationship, my anger.....
Long taxi ride home....
Long wait for mom to show up (I didn't have the house keys)
yes, I enjoyed.

Now. Since my mahaan friends can't go for a movie with me, I go with Tina. Mom's friend. And kinda mine too.
27 Dresses.
Don't laugh at me for watching chick-flicks, I am a girl after all.

The weather it gets hotter. Shorts and strappies in use. ah, for a cool breeze to caress my face.....

Out!

So sick, I tell ya.....
So here we are, back again, being that girl I hate. I'm so Sick snd Tired of this state of mind I tell ya....
Sick of not knowing what or who I am....I've lost it I say...
I thought I was doing pretty okay, you know? I thought I was reasonably happy, but no-oo, it's back, all the crappy feelings, all the uncertainty, all the......the.....word, dunno what to call it, it's all back.
She's right, I think, I need to grow up, in every way.
She's right, I shouldn't lose my level.
She's right, my thoughts are scattered and sometimes it's downright irritating.
Oh god, these mentors of mine, I find them everywhere, but they speak so much and it makes so much sense but then it all melts away, somewhere. I'm lucky to have them. I'm lucky to have everything I need.
Damn my back hurts.
I wish I could put into words what I'm thinking, but I can't.