I'm beautiful. I know that. I've got lovely long lashes, great hair and all.
I also know I'm goddamned skinny.
I've always been thin. Bit Chubby as a kid, skeletal through primary and middle school. Same beautiful lashes, but eyebrows twice their current size (It's great what a roll of thread and dexterous hands can do.....). But I knew I was a healthy kid. Quite strong too, because when I'd hit people, my bones hurt them.
Middle school was the time when most girls started getting hints of curves, some of them had more than just a hint, but my body stayed poker-straight. Most girls started getting a bit feminine, but me, jeans, shorts and loose shirts ruled my wardrobe. Jewellery was bought but never worn.
"You're too thin, Myst," my "so-called" best friend at the time often told me. "It's sick, really. You have got to put on some weight. Not much, just to fill you out a little."
I hated it.I didn't think I looked sick at all. I was healthy. Sure, I'd like to gain a bit of weight, but what could I do? Someone up there had given me the gift of a thin body. The ability to eat anything with an obscene amount of fat and carbs and not have it show on me at all.
My other best friend, she had issues about being a bit on the plumper side.
Now that I call ironic.
Still slim, I passed out of middle school into 9th grade, where popularity was sadly judged mostly by beauty, curves, cup size and number of relationships.I had neither.
Ok, I don't actually know how they judged popularity, but I notice that most of those girls had all this going for them. except one, and she's like my body double, only a bit taller.
What I hate? How the shape of a girl's body dominates relationship chances. If you don't have a great bod, you better be exactly on the same wavelength as them if you want to have a chance with them.
Yeah, I know your figure has a lot to do with it, but this much??So much so that guys would pass up a smart, witty, fun-to-be-with overweight/skinny girl for one who has beauty without brains?
Now I'm 16. I've filled out a bit. not much mind you, but just a little bit. I have a nice flat stomach that people envy, and I like my hips. But I'm not busty. Sometimes that saddens me. I know it shouldn't, but it does.......
As a Wise One said, look at these models, (I have been, and she's right.) most of then are the same size as you. It's ok if you're not busty, you know? It really doesn't matter.
Still. Sometimes mirrors depress me too. Standing in my underwear in the dressing room at Forever21, I assess myself. I make a face. Bend over, clasp hands together. Smile. Straighten up. Bleh.
Walk out, (fully dressed.) Pick up black lace bra, a size larger than what I wear now. Sneak it back into the dressing room and try it on. It fits me like a little black extension of my skin, and it looks gorgeous.Vair comfy.I'm happy. I saunter out with a wistful smile, after examining the price tag and my almost-empty wallet.
I will be back for you.
It's not just me, everyone has body issues, however gorgeous they look. Sneh has a perfect petite figure with beautiful hips I'd die for, and she wants to lose weight.
This other girl I know has a reputation for two things, for being VERY busty, and for having a long long string of guys......But even she has body issues, she wonders why she's so unrealistically well endowed in the bra, wishes she could be smaller so that guys see her for herself.....
Then why am I worried, really? Me, I'm thin. I don't have the best figure, But I'm satisfied with it. So guys who say they like me, they'll like who I am, and not what I look like. It makes such a big difference........
I'd thought this post out quite well, but I've forgotten a lot of it......All I can say is...A girl's personality does not lie in her bra.
I'm with a friend I haven't seen in six months. We went to the mall, hung around at Starbucks, where I glomped a mocha, bought two books, ogled a few more. Went to Centrepoint ond tried on stuff we'd never wear, I actually got to see the girl in a full length evening gown (well, as much as I could see when she was hiding behind the dressing room door). I paid for lunch, she paid for dessert (we tried out the chocolate fountain at the food court, I had cocolate covered strawberries, she had a chocolate covered croissant.). We were basically being crazy chicks.
It should have been the perfect day.....but it wasn't.
Firstly, I was thinking about the whole body image thing. But that normally doesn't get me down.....
I looked at this crazy girl I've loved for three years, and I couldn't help but feel I was losing her. 'Tis natural, she's gone to a school where she's found great friends, guys who're as smart as her, girls whom she can trust......I stay in my world where I'll always trust guys more because they don't judge you, at least the ones I choose to trust don't.
"you have changed..." She told me in the cab.
"Toldja, didn't I?" I've been through quite a lot since we last met, so I know I've changed. I'm a little more silent. A little less of a child.
"But you'll still be a maniac compare to my friends in Abu Dhabi" she said.
"Are they that sane?"
It should have been the perfect day. But something didn't allow it to be. Maybe it was that conversation I'd had in the morning, that tired me out, mind and body.Maybe it was that we both agreed there was a distance that hadn't been there before, Not a huge distance, but it was there. We both knew this.
But the love's still there. We're both very different, and that pulls us together. Opposites attract, I always told her. That's why we're stuck together.
She's the kind who'll turn away (and play with her phone) during the kissing scenes in movies, doesn't swear, Is feminine and mature, and induces laughter. The kind who put on disapproving expressions when we were reading this.Wears long skirts, mostly. The kind who's focused on the path as well as the destination, The one who hates exercise and loves dogs.
I'm the kind who'll shamelessly watch and wish I was there, swears a lot when I'm mad, Is a total tomboy, used to slide down stair banisters. Doesn't laugh much, but laughs at things only I find funny. Laughed throughout this. Wears shorts/cargo pants with a loose T-shirt. the kind who wants the end, the means will take care of themselves, and the one who NEEDS exercise, is a bit scared of larger dogs and has two cats at home.
There's much more. "I'll put it all up here," I told her, "all those hilarious differences.
They draw us closer. The only thing we share is that her birthday begins the moment mine ends. And that forged a friendship.