Friday, 21 March 2008

I hate people who make us feel bad about our bodies.....and other things.

I'm beautiful. I know that. I've got lovely long lashes, great hair and all.
I also know I'm goddamned skinny.
I've always been thin. Bit Chubby as a kid, skeletal through primary and middle school. Same beautiful lashes, but eyebrows twice their current size (It's great what a roll of thread and dexterous hands can do.....). But I knew I was a healthy kid. Quite strong too, because when I'd hit people, my bones hurt them.
Middle school was the time when most girls started getting hints of curves, some of them had more than just a hint, but my body stayed poker-straight. Most girls started getting a bit feminine, but me, jeans, shorts and loose shirts ruled my wardrobe. Jewellery was bought but never worn.
"You're too thin, Myst," my "so-called" best friend at the time often told me. "It's sick, really. You have got to put on some weight. Not much, just to fill you out a little."

I hated it.I didn't think I looked sick at all. I was healthy. Sure, I'd like to gain a bit of weight, but what could I do? Someone up there had given me the gift of a thin body. The ability to eat anything with an obscene amount of fat and carbs and not have it show on me at all.
My other best friend, she had issues about being a bit on the plumper side.
Now that I call ironic.

Still slim, I passed out of middle school into 9th grade, where popularity was sadly judged mostly by beauty, curves, cup size and number of relationships.I had neither.
Ok, I don't actually know how they judged popularity, but I notice that most of those girls had all this going for them. except one, and she's like my body double, only a bit taller.

What I hate? How the shape of a girl's body dominates relationship chances. If you don't have a great bod, you better be exactly on the same wavelength as them if you want to have a chance with them.
Yeah, I know your figure has a lot to do with it, but this much??So much so that guys would pass up a smart, witty, fun-to-be-with overweight/skinny girl for one who has beauty without brains?

Now I'm 16. I've filled out a bit. not much mind you, but just a little bit. I have a nice flat stomach that people envy, and I like my hips. But I'm not busty. Sometimes that saddens me. I know it shouldn't, but it does.......
As a Wise One said, look at these models, (I have been, and she's right.) most of then are the same size as you. It's ok if you're not busty, you know? It really doesn't matter.

Still. Sometimes mirrors depress me too. Standing in my underwear in the dressing room at Forever21, I assess myself. I make a face. Bend over, clasp hands together. Smile. Straighten up. Bleh.
Walk out, (fully dressed.) Pick up black lace bra, a size larger than what I wear now. Sneak it back into the dressing room and try it on. It fits me like a little black extension of my skin, and it looks gorgeous.Vair comfy.I'm happy. I saunter out with a wistful smile, after examining the price tag and my almost-empty wallet.
I will be back for you.

It's not just me, everyone has body issues, however gorgeous they look. Sneh has a perfect petite figure with beautiful hips I'd die for, and she wants to lose weight.
This other girl I know has a reputation for two things, for being VERY busty, and for having a long long string of guys......But even she has body issues, she wonders why she's so unrealistically well endowed in the bra, wishes she could be smaller so that guys see her for herself.....
Then why am I worried, really? Me, I'm thin. I don't have the best figure, But I'm satisfied with it. So guys who say they like me, they'll like who I am, and not what I look like. It makes such a big difference........
I'd thought this post out quite well, but I've forgotten a lot of it......All I can say is...A girl's personality does not lie in her bra.

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I'm with a friend I haven't seen in six months. We went to the mall, hung around at Starbucks, where I glomped a mocha, bought two books, ogled a few more. Went to Centrepoint ond tried on stuff we'd never wear, I actually got to see the girl in a full length evening gown (well, as much as I could see when she was hiding behind the dressing room door). I paid for lunch, she paid for dessert (we tried out the chocolate fountain at the food court, I had cocolate covered strawberries, she had a chocolate covered croissant.). We were basically being crazy chicks.
It should have been the perfect day.....but it wasn't.
Firstly, I was thinking about the whole body image thing. But that normally doesn't get me down.....

I looked at this crazy girl I've loved for three years, and I couldn't help but feel I was losing her. 'Tis natural, she's gone to a school where she's found great friends, guys who're as smart as her, girls whom she can trust......I stay in my world where I'll always trust guys more because they don't judge you, at least the ones I choose to trust don't.

"you have changed..." She told me in the cab.
"Toldja, didn't I?" I've been through quite a lot since we last met, so I know I've changed. I'm a little more silent. A little less of a child.
"But you'll still be a maniac compare to my friends in Abu Dhabi" she said.
"Are they that sane?"

It should have been the perfect day. But something didn't allow it to be. Maybe it was that conversation I'd had in the morning, that tired me out, mind and body.Maybe it was that we both agreed there was a distance that hadn't been there before, Not a huge distance, but it was there. We both knew this.

But the love's still there. We're both very different, and that pulls us together. Opposites attract, I always told her. That's why we're stuck together.

She's the kind who'll turn away (and play with her phone) during the kissing scenes in movies, doesn't swear, Is feminine and mature, and induces laughter. The kind who put on disapproving expressions when we were reading this.Wears long skirts, mostly. The kind who's focused on the path as well as the destination, The one who hates exercise and loves dogs.

I'm the kind who'll shamelessly watch and wish I was there, swears a lot when I'm mad, Is a total tomboy, used to slide down stair banisters. Doesn't laugh much, but laughs at things only I find funny. Laughed throughout this. Wears shorts/cargo pants with a loose T-shirt. the kind who wants the end, the means will take care of themselves, and the one who NEEDS exercise, is a bit scared of larger dogs and has two cats at home.

There's much more. "I'll put it all up here," I told her, "all those hilarious differences.
They draw us closer. The only thing we share is that her birthday begins the moment mine ends. And that forged a friendship.

20 comments:

Espèra said...

Ooh.

I'll tell you something.

Girl (to me): And he said, "Who likes flat screens?"
Me: Uh huh.
Girl: It's all about the body, girl. Don't I know it? That's what I tell everybody. All these guys, they just die for the boobs. That's it.


But think about it, flat screens are the latest craze. Everybody who can afford it is out buying them.

The Snitch said...

Firstly, about the bodily issues. There's this one thing, till the time you're comfortable with your body and the kind of clothes you wear, it's all fine. I'm way too thin, and I'm short and everybody keeps reminding me that. I don't care because people have to find some or the other fault in you. Long term, doesn't really matter.

I'm a guy, I go around with guys and from personal experience, I can tell you that the guys who only go after boobs and hips are absolute jerks. They have brains with comprehension power equal to that of an Amoeba. They might be good looking yes, but when you try talking to them, they will be complete disasters. I've seen it too many times. And all guys have different preferences, you know. There are a lot of guys who like skinny chicks. I personally do. Not everybody goes around finding a girl with the hugest boobs possible. I don't, for some reason, they put me off. And as you've said, it's not only body. Dumb girls get dumb guys because all they are looking for in each other is pure physical beauty, and that can't sustain a relationship for a long time. You need to have brains, wit, and sense of humor which I think you have loads. And you look good also, so you're someone who doesn't need to worry. You'll find some good person, surely.

Secondly, about the friends, well, can't say much about that. That is inevitable. Not many people get to be with their friends all the time. Separation does come in eventually. But if you can still carry on being friends, you'll appreciate the relationship more someday when you grow up and think about it. Circle of life, keeps rolling.

lemonade said...

i love the way you write..

five_silver_rings said...

Moocho Impresso.. I liked this post.. Kind of reminded me of my own self..Except for the fact, that as opposed to your figure, I was REALLY chubby as a kid, obese till I turned 15.. Anorexic until I passed 17.. and now, I guess I fall under the category of 'normal'... But then again, define normal?
However, I have been through those stages in my life where I've detested the shape of my body.. for like I said, I was obese at one point of time...
You crib about being too thin? I used to crib about being humongous... But don't cha worry dear girl, I'm sure you look pretty darn good any way...
Besides, you shouldn't care about that waist line, bra sizes, or those round buttocks... I say, the intellect rules all the way baby! Honestly, I never see or find myself falling for 'good-looking' men, it's those brains that attract me.. Now, do you 'really' think that body matters when it comes to relationships? Nuh uh!
But then again, I am a woman.. for most men certain 'assets' of the female anatomy are important.. However trust me when I say this, the 'right' men will always fall for your head, not those essentials that follow below it.

freudian slip said...

yes yes jump on the im depressed when im in my undies bandwagon. come on shalaka, u know if someone as shallow as me gets knocked over once in a while by you , ur doing pretty well for yourself.
u talking about sulagna?? whts she upto, give her my hate, expect a lot more in return.

plus a bust on you and ud have to say goodbye to your athletic ambitions, atleast jumping for sure. ud look like a popsicle with walnuts for gods sake.

yes yes im sorry if i brought upon this hideous estrogen laden post of yours.

Mystique said...

2 espera: yesh. thengyoo.
big lols

2 snitch: Multiple thank yous...I was wondering if I knew anyone who prefered slim girls....I know I would if I was a guy....

2 lemonade: Always good to know that....

2 rings: Anorexic. as in anorexically skinny, or truly anorexic?
And yeah, I agree with the rest of what you say...

2 rushi: ah. you. this was meant for guys like you. Ok, ok, fine, but that was just because you know me better than most people, and I'm a raving maniac. Madame sulagna is fine. And yeah, john'd kill me for gaining weight....still. a few kilos wouldn't hurt.......

five_silver_rings said...

I was truly, will-give-anything-to-be-thin anorexic.. Was scared of putting even a morsel in my mouth... Need I be more descriptive?

taurius1 said...

Hmm... in my experience, most of my guy friends end up liking a girl with a nice face more than a girl with a nice rack.

^_^
Happy holi.

bluebutterfly said...

i was a bit hesitant about this reading this post after i read the title ....
its bit of a sensitive topic with me,i have bodily issues ,like big bodily issues ,like never ending bodily issues ...
and its always there at the back of my mind when i do anything ... and to say the least its so very frustrating
i am tall and *fat*....
i like to think of myself as plump and healthy ... but well thats not what the others think .
i almost became bulimic at a point of time , recovered (coz i love food far too much) and now am back to being fat again
in high school that is what they do ... judge you by your body .. atleast my experience ...... i have a friend who is anorexic coz she wants to look great for her guy ....(which is sick in my opinion)
if i eat celery for a month i will still gain weight ... dynamics of the body system ... my mother says ...
guys would anyday go for a anorexic girl than one with weight issues ...

sometimes its almost like
"i am fat ... so kill me" ... but then again its my body ... i will do what i wanna do....and i like it the way it is ...

Mystique said...

2 rings: yeah. I get.

2 taurius: Hmmmm. That I have. :)

2 Butterfly: the weight is not a problem....the weight Issues are. It's ok to be the shape you are, but I don't think any guy will like their girl complaining all the time as to how she hates her body.....
People tell me, you're lucky you're so thin, I'd die to look like you....'tis true I'd prefer being this way because it's how I've always been....
But they don't see the flipsyde of it....people wondering whether I'm anorexic (far from it)....random strangers coming up to my mom and laughingly asking "don't you feed your daughter??"
yes, that I don't like. Mind your own business you people....

persona non grata. said...

Hmm.

This is going to sound hypocritical (to myself, mostly) but I have been pondering (and battling) body issues for a while now; there's a lot of time and effort and energy I've expended on something that I really shouldn't care so much about.

What is the point, really?

Your post seems to have focused so much on what you think 'popularity' means and the prerequisites to be 'popular'; on your ideas of 'femininity'; on what you reckon men (or boys) really want. I might just say there's a lot of 'you' thinking, reckoning and assuming. I don't disagree with what you've said; I've spent enough time agonising over it already. I'd just like to say that this is after all, your perception of things; just as it used to be mine. It's basically up to you to look at it a different way. And no, a girls' personality has nothing to do with her bra-size... unless she makes it. If she's obsessing over spilling over or not filling up; it makes her less confident, more paranoid and just.. insecure.

I will, at some point, come by and rip apart the gender stereotyping and gender socialisation rampant in this post; but in the meantime; our bodies are how we project them. If you see yourself as a 'tomboy' (which is a rather sexist term) then so be and damn the world. A woman can never be separated from her body issues; I guarantee you that; but perhaps if you shift your paradigm a bit it won't affect you as much.

Oh and, props on the AD mention. Heh. Nostalgia, it always hits from behind.

Mystique said...

2 png: and then every once in a while, someone like you comes and metaphorically bashes me on the back of the head and makes me spit out all the crap that formulates in my head.....thank you.

Niyara - Asian Rocxs said...

ive always been mega skinny, and i hated, and still hate when people comment on it. "your too skinny, you need to put on weight". or "you've lost weight" *disgusted look*.

You wouldn't say to someone "OH look at you, you've put on weight. your so FAT"

so unfair :'(

Impressionist said...

heh! :D
I wud always prefer a girl with a pretty face than the one with Humongous boobies! :P

-I

Bubbles of FireWhiskey said...

oooohhh me ws in ds mood a few days bk n so wantd 2 write abt it 2 bt my laptop hd a virus tat i managd 2 kill 2day...

n i agree wid snitch... u hv 2 b comfortable in ur own skin...

--xh-- said...

hm.. i agree - figure have a lot to decide the chances of a grl getting a guy - as much as the guys fat purse decides the chance of him being with that hot chick. But not every one is like that... and those who see over the body/purse/bike/cars r those who at times actualy gets a sneak peak at what we really are..and are well woth having than 10 glam dumb guys/chicks.

Mystique said...

2 niyara: Thank you for thinking like me......

2 impressionist: thank you....

2 bubbles: so write now na??

2 xh: too true.....

♥bμşγ-ŵŗϊŧēŕ♥ said...

hmm, very nicely written. very very very nicely.. :)
ur very expressive, precise and honest. love dat bout you :)

body issues, dont we all have em sigh.. i have this thing bout my nose. i hate my nose. sigh.
i think am fat too.
sigh.
but at the end of the day, nothin matters.. u arent livin to impress nyone nyways. :)
so long as ur healthy, no worries!

said...

i agree with what you said, its ridiculous when boys judge girls by the way they look. im curvy i wouldnt say im fat, iv been through eating disorders, in and out. a lot actually, but it has made me become a stronger person, someone i could never be. iv realised that if i don't love my body and me then nobody will. plus, have i had issues with people calling me names? yes, they still do, constantly some names haunt me, but you know what? i am not fat, im curvy, iv got nice boobs, no gigantic but i like them and iv got a nice tush. something id want. i think its absolutely marvelous for you to love your body and really put down how you feel, not a lot of people can do that now. anyways i appreciate your writings, come check mine out sometime! <3 buh bye hun.
xx

dreamsmith said...

It's not true that 'everyone' has body issues. I don't. I absolutely love the way I look and get complimented all the time. it seems like you're generalising a lot.