Left here in solitude, aloneness and despondency.
I woke up at noon today, even then I had to drag myself out of bed because I really see no reason to wake up...I mean, what do I DO?
I don't know where to go, and I'm VERY lethargic. I guess I'll end up spending another day, laptop on stomach, reading Transmetropolitan.
Being alone is fine when I'm at home.
This doesn't feel like home.
Home is where the heart is? Home is where you hang your hat?
With this whole city changem I'm a bit confused. See, I can call almost anyplace 'home'. I've called my classroom 'home' sometimes. I've used the words 'Let's go home' to refer to hotels over India, and once, I'm sure, even a tent in Manali was 'home' last year.
In Bombay, 'home' can be anywhere. Home is wherever I'm staying the night. We don't have a house in Bombay. When on vacation here, my parents and I shuttle between my paternal family home in Sion and my maternal home in Kandivili. Now that mom's left, I'm staying with my aunt, in Matunga.
Still, Even if I call it 'home', even if the aunt keeps saying 'treat it like home', it's not. Sure, I won't ask for permission before I raid the fridge or turn on the TV or anything, but it doesn't feel like home (yet) somehow.
Home is...I guess home is where I'm comfortable. WHere I can live like I want to, where I can be angry or sad, maybe scream or cry and not feel bad about it. Where there's someone to rant to.
Where my cats are.
I think I'm losing how it feels to live with two cats in the house, and I hate that. I don't want to forget what that's like, living with (albiet emo-tyrant) cats.
All I want...i guess, is a sense of home, something that says, I belong here. In this house. With these people who understand me.
That's gonna take a while.