Epiphanies

Those who know me will know that I'm not the biggest fan of organised religion, or even religion as a whole. I'm not atheist, but God, to me, is kinda formless. I don't even give it a name....

I've almost always shied away from poojas. When I've gone, I've always been in another room, playing with the other kids around. I haven't attended a pooja or a satsang in more than two years.

So I wasn't too pleased when my aunt, who I currently live with in Bombay, decided to drag me to a neighbour's place for a Ganpati pooja thingy. I sat awkwardly for a good half hour, right in the front, as others around me chanted, some mantras known, some alien.

Even the 7 year old kid next to me knew exactly what to do.

All I did was admire the decoreations and the pure white orchids used. Yeah, I checked, they were real.

And in the middle of all the noise and the chaos, my mind throwing up random bull, I looked into the compassionate eyes of the idol...and I had a conversation with Lord Ganesha.

Naah, it was probably the deluded mental diarhhea.

'Enjoying this, are you?', I asked the object of worship.

'YES!', he replied.

'But seriously dude,' I say, 'Why do people go through so much trouble for you anyway when you'd be just as happy even if they didn't?'

'Because,' and I could almost see a grin very familiar to me from somewhere else, 'I'm AWESOME.'

Erm.....

There's a Facebook page for Lord Ganesha. Am I the only one who finds this weird?

She's back.

Yes, I'm back in Bombay.

In a startling display of je ne sais pas quoi, I've lost my Bombay sim card, and the beautiful number that was mine. I had to rush around today getting a new number, which pisses me off. I hate changing numbers, or phones.

And all my contacts were on that sim. Grrrrrr.....

Anyhoo, I've got a lot of them back.

College is supposed to start tomorrow or the day after that, so i'm gonna have to go check it out tomorrow.

let's just hope.

Frustration

Courtesy www.xkcd.com

Sometimes, all it takes to make me happy is this.

A blue sea, a cool breeze.

Toes in the sand.

A tight hug from an awesome friend.

A cat who remembers me.

A warm soft cat who purrs when I hold her.

Home cooking.

My pink streaks.

Friends who know what I'm like.

Oh, being told I have an awesome ass, because that doesn't happen often!

Sometimes.

PS: This made my day.

And Just when I needed it most....

I went home. To the place I've called home for the last 17 years.

Swine flu holidays and the ongoing teachers' strike put me on a plane to Muscat on Thursday...and now I'm home. My bright flat with my white cats. Who managed to remember me within two hours of my arrival.

Just being here makes me feel good. More than being here, I think it's being with my parents, and my mom's excellent cooking. And the white cats. I woke up to Maheen-cat biting my ankles. *Happy sigh*

Kaminey was yefterday, and after that movie, I have a newfound refpect for Fhahid Kapoor. A double role with TWO fpeech defects if no eafy tafk.

Today we gave Basu a farewell, well a kinda pseudo farewell, it just ended up with a bunch of us in his complex pool, buoyanting, as we call it. Truly awesome to see these guys again, these guys I love so much, after so long. Today I learnt to always keep camera batteries charged. I learnt that the element of surpise, and some sentimentality is a good thing to have. (SLK, LOL.) I've been spanked multiple times today, and pushed into the deep end of the pool. Which I enjoyed, even though I can't swim too well at all....

Very cool. I love being in the water though. Feels nice. Not too nice after I get out, like a drenched cat, hair all frizzy.

I learnt...that a few people don't forgive easy and there's nothing you can do about it. And I know my Muscat friends love me, and home will always be home.

:)

For Once, I'm happy about this strike bullshittyness.

*Koff koff* .... Can it be...?

Slowly but quite surely, the paranoia is reaching Bombay.

Meanwhile, Dadar Station (central side) has a new aquisition!

:D

It is 1.30 am, and...

I think I will go switch on some lights in this dark house, make my way to the fridge and get some cheese.

My mom has finally done what she'd been threatening to do for months, but never did.

She's joined Facebook.

And quite strangely, I'm happy.

Oh I'm SO glad I joined B-Boying instead of salsa this time!

Aloneness, solitude and a skewed concept of Home.

Mom left yesterday so now it's just me.

Left here in solitude, aloneness and despondency.

I woke up at noon today, even then I had to drag myself out of bed because I really see no reason to wake up...I mean, what do I DO?

I don't know where to go, and I'm VERY lethargic. I guess I'll end up spending another day, laptop on stomach, reading Transmetropolitan.

Being alone is fine when I'm at home.

This doesn't feel like home.

Home is...

Home is where the heart is? Home is where you hang your hat?

With this whole city changem I'm a bit confused. See, I can call almost anyplace 'home'. I've called my classroom 'home' sometimes. I've used the words 'Let's go home' to refer to hotels over India, and once, I'm sure, even a tent in Manali was 'home' last year.

In Bombay, 'home' can be anywhere. Home is wherever I'm staying the night. We don't have a house in Bombay. When on vacation here, my parents and I shuttle between my paternal family home in Sion and my maternal home in Kandivili. Now that mom's left, I'm staying with my aunt, in Matunga.

Still, Even if I call it 'home', even if the aunt keeps saying 'treat it like home', it's not. Sure, I won't ask for permission before I raid the fridge or turn on the TV or anything, but it doesn't feel like home (yet) somehow.

Home is...I guess home is where I'm comfortable. WHere I can live like I want to, where I can be angry or sad, maybe scream or cry and not feel bad about it. Where there's someone to rant to.

Where my cats are.

I think I'm losing how it feels to live with two cats in the house, and I hate that. I don't want to forget what that's like, living with (albiet emo-tyrant) cats.

All I want...i guess, is a sense of home, something that says, I belong here. In this house. With these people who understand me.

That's gonna take a while.